Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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