we have pet lesbian snakes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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