I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
