ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
