I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Alive.
So much puke
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
