: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
