i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
