I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
