it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
