so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i will never coherently bang her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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