I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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