No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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