"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
