If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
