I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
