There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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