a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
