There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
