This house was built for laser tag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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