She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
