This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
birth control should be required to get into college
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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