Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
