I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He shit in the fireplace
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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