Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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