just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
