I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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