She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im six kinds of drunk right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
