The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
