So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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