dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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