Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
