how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
