And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
