D3 body, D1 cock
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
