My liver just broke up with me...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
