my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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