as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
