UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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