Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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