how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
