I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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