mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
