i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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