she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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