Have you finally orgasmed yet?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
