I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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