Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
