things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
