Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
