Whod you bang
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
