There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
