My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
