We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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